


flowers don't bloom because you want them to

by tatersalad5001



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Author Projecting onto Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt, Campaign: Graduation (The Adventure Zone), Canon Asexual Character, Coming Out, Gen, Secrets, again. take care of yourselves, there's some light aphobic rhetoric in this one take care of yourselves, this fic uses that funky word that starts with q. you know the one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:01:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25761799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tatersalad5001/pseuds/tatersalad5001
Summary: "Well, I hate to be the boring one of the group," Fitzroy said, "but I have no skeletons in my closet. I've never had a partner before."The Firbolg was able to catch Argo in a lie. Argo told the Firbolg the truth about what he had been doing, sneaking around for a class assignment. Argo trusted the Firbolg not to tell Fitzroy, and the Firbolg trusted Argo.Argo was just worried about his friend. Argo just wanted Fitzroy to know he cared, that Fitzroy could trust him and the Firbolg with anything. But, the truth of the matter was if the Firbolg and Fitzroy really learned about what Argo was doing, they would probably never trust him again.
Relationships: Master Firbolg & Argo Keene, Master Firbolg & Argo Keene & Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt
Comments: 7
Kudos: 70





	flowers don't bloom because you want them to

**Author's Note:**

> okay, first of all, *taps on the tags* read this. i do not want any shit about the fifth one, you have been warned. if you're not okay with seeing that word, it's fine! i get it! but this may not be the fic for you, and i will not tolerate anyone telling me i cannot use that word. please don't be like tumblr. thank you.
> 
> Hi! I'm canonically ace. Griffin McElroy said that Fitzroy is canonically ace. So of course, that means this is my city now and its time to project onto one Fitzroy Maplecourt. I'm so excited about this, I'm so excited about Ace Fitzroy, you have no idea. At this time, however, I've decided i do not want to get into romantic orientation with Fitzroy, mostly because I'm just tired and that requires a lot of thought.
> 
> There's a flashback scene in here that's not...it's not pretty. There's very obvious me projecting my middle school/high school self on Fitzroy, before I like, even knew asexuality was a thing. And I'm not going to lie, I was an asshole. When I say I looked down on some classmates simply because we had different priorities on schoolwork and grades vs relationships, that was true. Obviously, we were all valid, and I know that now. Back then I was stupid and an asshole and was just very confused by the people around me. I also grew up in a very conservative area and that was like, a big factor into why i was such an asshole, but. Anyway, this kind of turned into a vent fic, it's very personal and a vulnerable thing and like, I Already Have First-Hand Embarrassment From This Still, so you don't need to tell me I was a jerk, I done already know. This is a large part of "hello i am projecting onto fitzroy maplecourt". I guess this is kinda me trying to just accept that, or something.
> 
> There's some light bi Argo vibes and agender Firbolg vibes in this one. (The Firbolg's pronouns are still he/him here). Argo would be my good friend because I would give him any limes that came into my possession. 
> 
> This whole thing, minus the flashback scene, takes place after Argo joined the Unbroken Chain but somewhere before the mission with the apples and the centaurs.

“So, how’re things between you and your secret lover? How are they doing?”

The question seemed to catch Argo by surprise. He was sitting at the table of their room, their headquarters if you will, and he was reading a book. He jumped in his chair as Fitzroy spoke.

”Secret lover?” Argo blinked as he looked up over the book so he could see Fitzroy. “What?”

”You know, the person you’ve been writing to? Your friend?” Fitzroy frowned. Did Argo not remember that whole thing? The whole joke Fitzroy made about the letter? 

Well, now that Fitzroy thought about it, that whole meal had been interrupted with the Firbolg disappearing, so maybe he could give Argo a free pass on this one.

”Oh, yeah, that.” Argo looked back down at his book. “We, uh, we’ve had a bit of a falling out, I suppose. We aren’t really writing to each other anymore. I guess we aren’t really friends anymore.”

That explained it.

The Firbolg had been walking around the table to sit down himself, but he paused behind Argo. He gently rested his hand on Argo’s shoulder. “I am sorry it had to end this way. They do not know what they are missing, you are a good friend.”

”That’s rough.” Fitzroy paused in his efforts to clean up the floor. (It was a task he willingly took on by himself and refused to accept help with.) He could relate on that one, for sure. “I did not mean to bring up what must be a difficult subject for you now. But don’t forget we are here, if you need us. You’ve still got two friends right here, if it helps.”

”It does. I appreciate that, you two, thank you.” Argo glanced over towards the nearest wall. “But I’m the one who broke things off with them. It was clear that ship had sailed. I’m not particularly upset about it or anything, so you don’t have to feel bad for me or anything. Guess I just need time to digest that.”

”Of course. It can still be hard to go through that even though you were the one that stopped all that.” Fitzroy lifted his mop up so he could put it back in the water. “If you need to talk about it, I understand.”

”Or...” The Firbolg looked closely at Argo’s face. “Perhaps changing the subject will help you more.”

"Yes, I think a distraction will be good for me." Argo cleared his throat. "...Well, Fitzroy, what about you?"

Fitzroy had already resumed cleaning up the floor. That question had confused him, though. "What about me?"

"Have you ever had a secret lover before?" Argo asked.

"No?" Fitzroy raised an eyebrow. "What about me makes you wonder about that? Why are you asking _me_ , anyway?"

"Well, Firby obviously hasn't had one." 

"This...is true," the Firbolg commented, still looking towards Argo.

"So I'm the only person left to ask." Fitzroy's shoulders released some of their tension. "Well, I hate to be the boring one of the group, but there are no romantic skeletons, no deeply involved relationship skeletons in my closet. It's not even that I had a non-secret lover or anything, I've just never been in that kind of a relationship."

Argo leaned forward in his seat. "Huh, none at all. Not even at that other school you went to? Chive's Goodnight school for--"

Fitzroy corrected Argo on instinct, as he should. Disrespect for the establishment should not be tolerated. "Clyde Nite's Knight Night School. I didn't... Of course I did not get involved in anything like that there. How would I? It's..." Fitzroy sighed. "It's hard to talk about."

"You don't gotta talk about it if you don't want to." Argo frowned. "I was just curious, but I don't wanna make you uncomfortable. I wasnt thinking about how--"

"No, you did nothing wrong, Argo. I might talk about it some other time. I'll think about it. Right now I'm not even mentally prepared to..."

"Do not force yourself to tell us this thing," the Firbolg said. "Discussing the past is...is very difficult."

* * *

After dinner, before the night had time to age much, it was time for Fitzroy to sleep. The Firbolg and Argo went to their room separate from Fitzroy's to give him the quiet he needed. The Firbolg made space for himself on the floor while Argo stretched out next to the window. Before Argo was finished, however, the Firbolg spoke up.

"Why do you...lie?"

"What?" Pausing in his stretches, Argo turned towards the Firbolg. He wasn't sure if he heard him correctly, to be honest.

The Firbolg stared at Argo. "Why do you lie?"

Had Argo lied to the Firbolg earlier? When did that happen? Had it even happened that day, or... "I mean, lying does come from the whole sidekick rogue thing, but...what do you think I lied about?"

The Firbolg was unable to lie. It was part of his nature, against the Firbolg code. He was naturally a rebel, sure, but trying to lie was physically painful to him. He did truly want to believe the best of everyone around him, especially the people he liked and trusted most of his new clan. He didn't want to think Argo or Fitzroy would lie to him. However, since joining this new clan, the Firbolg had been exposed to many more liars than he ever had before. The more the Firbolg had watched people lie, people he objectively knew were telling a lie, the easier it was for the Firbolg to tell if other people were possibly lying. 

And he was pretty sure about Argo.

"You lied about something to do with your friend."

"Well, friend is a strong word..."

As the Firbolg stared at Argo, Argo stared back at him. Argo wasn't just a sidekick or a rogue, either. He was a member of a secret society, too. He hid its existence from his friends, studied Fitzroy in secret on assignment while leaving no hints behind. Lying was something Argo engaged in frequently those days.

"They weren't really a friend, just someone from the boat I lived on. I wanted to see if I could get them to send me some limes. They just don't make them here like the ones we had out at sea."

"I have heard you say before that you...like the limes here more than the ones you ate back home."

"Oh, yeah, I did say that..." Argo chuckled. "Alright. You wanna know the truth, then?"

"Yes." The Firbolg was dumbfounded by this question. Was the answer not obvious? "This is what I want to know. Why else would I be asking except for...the truth?"

"Okay." Argo took a deep breath. "I have this assignment. For rogue training. I've been asked to do some research. About Fitzroy. I'm supposed to be practicing my stealth skill for my class and I'm trying to learn some facts about Fitzroy without him finding out, since I'll fail the assignment if he does. So, I wrote a letter. He claims he's this fancy lad from this big fancy familiy and all, so there must be a book or something about them, so I was looking for that. The library here didn't give me many answers."

The Firbolg looked at Argo's face. Argo was looking back at him, unwavering in this statement. The Firbolg had the sense that Argo was no longer being dishonest with him. He smiled.

"This I believe. Thank you for the truth. I will not tell him about this, and I hope you do what you must do."

* * *

The Firbolg was conflicted.

In the Unknown Forest, he and Fitzroy had confided in each other. The Firbolg told Fitzroy about his missing memories. Fitzroy told the Firbolg about missing people, about other people missing memories. Fitzroy trusted the Firbolg with that information. And he trusted Fitzroy with everything. He would not betray that trust.

The Firbolg was able to catch Argo in a lie, a lie Fitzroy did not even catch onto. Argo told the Firbolg the truth about what he had been doing, sneaking around for a class assignment. Argo trusted him not to tell Fitzroy, since telling Fitzroy would cause Argo to fail the assignment. And he trusted Argo. He was certain Argo would never do anything to hurt Fitzroy, that would be bad for Fitzroy, and he trusted Argo. He would not betray that trust.

Argo kept disappearing, running off, and keeping secrets. And for that, Fitzroy did not trust Argo. Argo couldn't say anything to Fitzroy because of the rules of the assignment. The Firbolg didn't know what to do about all of this. He wanted to help Argo and Fitzroy repair their relationship, but what could he do? Did the benefits outweigh the costs?

If he told Fitzroy the truth about Argo's actions, he would betray and lose Argo's trust.

If he tried to help Argo with his assignment or tell him the truth about anything, either about Fitzroy or about the secrets the two of them were keeping from Argo, he would betray and lose Fitzroy's trust.

Would it really be best for him to help fix their friendship by destroying one of his own friendships with one of them? It was a hard call to make. He'd already lost his original clan, had already been banished by them, and he didn't know if he could take losing his new clan, too. It wasn't like the Firbolg could lie to either of them, either, if pressed on one of those points. Maybe the best thing to do really was nothing. Do nothing and hope he could stay silent about everything. Maybe the best thing to do really was to hope Argo and Fitzroy would work it out themselves.

But that didnt mean he had to like it.

* * *

_Many people would call Fitzroy a late-bloomer._

_Fitzroy was still a relatively new student at Clyde Nite's Knight Night School, still trying to do the best he could at school and make his parents proud. He worked as hard as he could to get the best grades he could and learn as much as possible, though he wasn't sure yet if the effort was paying off. He only knew it wasn't paying off in his magical theory class, where he was supposed to show his magical talent and harness it._

_But he had not magic at all._

_People liked to call him a late-bloomer, but that was something of a cruel joke, implying he might suddenly gain some magic power during class and someday, what, turn a teacher into a fish or something? Yeah, that was never going to happen._

_Fitzroy had promised his mom he would make sure to have fun and make some new friends at school, too. But that was a promise he might just have to break._

_The second Fitzroy first spoke in this school, with his natural voice and accent, the chances of that seemed low. Everyone else was from important royal families, and he immediately stuck out like oil in water in the worst way. Maybe there had still been a chance then, but the more time went by, the less likely it seemed. In the rest of his classes he was mocked as a teacher's pet, which Fitzroy never saw anything wrong with in the first place, but his magical theory class only ended in embarrassment and laughter. No one would eer forget that, or where he came from. He even tried changing his clothes, his personality, even his voice itself to try to fit in better. The clothes make the man, they say, but no one forgot who Fitzroy really was. They still had his number. Even when the other students were...distracted, they wouldn't forget._

_That one, Fitzroy never really got._

_Everyone seemed to be in pursuit of these friedships that weren't friendships, and it just confused Fitzroy. It all just seemed like a waste of time. It all felt completely pointless to him. There wasn't even time for him to consider something like that while he was so focused on his classes. He could possibly consider it in the future when he'd graduated, maybe, but not now. Why did everyone else seem to decide this was so important all the sudden? There was no way this really mattered so much to his classmates, outside of making the decision to purposely care about it. Did they not care about their grades? Did they really care more about these relationships more than their academics?_

_Someone even asked Fizroy out once. It was a surprise, obviously, sure, but he politely declined. He had no time for something like that. Only after that rejection did he learn that the whole thing was supposed to be a joke. And, apparently, Fizroy himself had turned into the joke. Oh,yes, the idea of someone not being good enough for Fitzroy was hilarious._

_People called Fizroy a late-bloomer. When they felt generous. They also called him a prude, or said something about him was broken. The few somewhat nice people around Fitzroy said if he didn't get it now that one day he would, that he would change his mind and understand. Putting on this performance that he had started up to try to fit in certainly didn't make him spontaneously have magic. And, no matter what anyone said, he didn't change his mind. His priorities didn't change, nor did anyone else's. He really didn't understand. He just assumed he was above his peers' antics, had his priorities more in order._

_Until the worst day of his life came and went. Until he transferred to a new school. Until one of the first evenings at his new school, when he found a book in the library._

_"Oh, there's a word for that."_

* * *

When the hell did the Firbolg get so good at telling people were lying?

Was he always able to do it? Was it some kind of fluke? It was hard to tell, but either way it made Argo's life much more difficult. 

See, Argo didn't technically lie to the Firbolg at the end there. Nothing he said was a lie, he had just...mislead the Firbolg a little. He didn't say anything about the Unbroken Chain. He did reveal details about his mission, though, so Jackal might not be too happy about that. But, what can you do? Better to give the Firbolg enough to make him happy than to reveal the whole thing, right?

Argo sure hoped so.

His talk with the Firbolg scared him, sure, but what was really on Argo's mind was Fitzroy. Not the part of Fitzroy never being in a relationship, romantic or otherwise, before. That was none of Argo's business, really. He didn't care about that. But it sounded like there was more to the story than just that. Something made it complicated, that's what Fitzroy said, but what was it that made that complicated? Was it something Fitzroy wanted but didn't have time for? No, that didn't sound much like Fitzroy. The guy was always more grade-oriented than anything. Were relationships of that nature not allowed at Nights School for the Live Knight Nite? That wouldn't surprise Argo, given how it seemed to be some fancy-pants school and all. Or was it something different than that? There must be some reason.

If Fitzroy didn't trust Argo enough to tell him, though, if Fitzroy kept it a secret, it would be nothing less than Argo deserved.

Honestly, what good reason was there to go behind a friend's back like Argo was, going to great lengths to talk to a parent in secret, to learn more about that friend without telling them? At least, a reason Argo could actually give? Planning a surprise gift, maybe? That would require Argo to actually get Fitzroy a gift, and wold make Fitzroy think, once he got the gift, that Argo was done poking around. And Argo had no idea how long he needed to keep this up. Probably to long to keep up that ruse. The truth of the matter was, if the Firbolg and Fitzroy _really_ learned about what Argo was doing, they would probably never trust him again. Argo never told them any of his secrets, so why should Fitzroy share his?

If Fitzroy did decide to tell them, though, would it even be helpful to the Unbroken Chain? Argo felt bad that was his first thought, but he also felt bad that, currently, he was coming up empty on new information for his mission. He could tell Jackal was frustrated. He needed a breakthrough.

But he still felt bad about this whole thing. Part of him was hoping it wasn't useful to the Unbroken Chain at all. He didn't want to hurt Fitzroy. He was just worried about his friend. He just wanted Fitzroy to know he cared, that Fitzroy could trust him and the Firbolg with anything.

Argo just wasnt sure if he should be trusted with anything.

* * *

"I've been thinking about the whole relationships being complicated thing that I said."

Argo jumped as Fitzroy spoke. He was standing at the sink, washing dishes, face away from and unable to see Fitzroy, who literally just came out of the bathroom. (Some people might say that Argo was cheating by using his Create Water and Shape Water spells to was the dishes, but Fitzroy, who had already spent years washing dishes by hand, was not one of those people). Fitzroy could hardly say the reaction surprised him. The Firbolg stood next to Argo, making what he called a berry salad: a bowl filled with various different kinds of berries. 

"The what-- oh, wait, I remember now." 

Argo frowned, keeping his attention on dishwashing, but still splitting some of his attention to Fitzroy. It had been a couple of days since that topic had first come up, and Argo had assumed by now that it was dropped. That Fitzroy didn't want to talk about it.

However, Fitzroy had spent that time thinking. He had only just figured it out. "Yes. I really, um, I've figured out I really don't want to talk about it. Or explain why it's complicated. You know, none of us have increased our social links enough to unlock my tragic backstory." He didn't want to talk about the past. He considered Argo his friend, and trusted the Firbolg with his life, but he trusted neither of them with this. He trusted _no one_ with this.

Argo started laughing before Fitzroy had even finished speaking.

The Firbolg trusted Fitzroy with his life, respected him greatly. If this was Fitzroy's decision, he respected it. It was none of his business, then. Yet, "Tragic...backstory? I did not realize there was so much tragedy in your life. That is a shame, I am... I am sorry it was this way."

"It's okay," Fitzroy walked up to the Firbolg and started gently patting his shoulder. "Master Firbolg, it was a joke. Maybe there's an element of truth in there but I was joking. I have just realized that I'm not comfortable, you know..."

"It was a joke?" The Firbolg asked.

"The tragic backstory thing was a joke, Firby, don't worry," Argo assured him, reiterating Fitzroy's sentiment. 

"I see," The Firbolg said. He looked down at Fitzroy. "It was a funny joke."

Fitzroy smiled up at the Firbolg and patted his shoulder one more time. "Thank you." He shifted his attention to include Argo again as well. "I can tell you a part of it that isn't complicated, though. That part's still a thing, I didn't...I didn't even figure it out until I transferred here, actually." He didn't want to talk about the past, sure, but this was still current. This he felt comfortable talking about.

"I, um, figured out last semeser that I'm asexual," he went on. "It turns out that, well, people have this whole level of attraction that they experience that I just do not feel. I don't feel like I'm missing out or anything, I wouldn't want to change that. But, yeah.... That's what it is, yeah. I'm asexual."

The Firbolg smiled. "This is great, it always is good to discover more about yourself."

"It sure is. I'm certainly not straight myself, so, you know. I'm always happy to celebrate someone else learning the same about themself!" Argo stretched his arms out ahead of him. It was always nice to befriend a fellow queer person, but it was certainly new to have a friend who discovered after the friendship began that they were queer. He was finding he liked that, too.

"I think...that gender is bullshit," the Firbolg added. "This idea of a gender binary, it is...it is an unnatural thing."

"Oh, hell yeah!" Argo paused in his task to give the Firbolg a high five. "Queer people really are drawn to each other like magnets, huh? I've never really experienced it before coming here, but it looks like it's true!" He ran over to Fitzroy to give him a high five as well.

Fitzroy chuckled as he joined in Argo's high five. "So, what does that make us, then? Are we the Thunder Queers or something?" He paused. "Actually, I think I like the sound of that."

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to do some dice-rolling for once. And use the bonuses each character has listed on the taz wiki, which may be off but i'm still sticking to it. I really only did this every time argo lied or like tried to like, technically not lie but technically not really telling the truth. The first roll was when Argo was like "oh yeah this person and i aren't friends i uh broke off that friendship my bad". Argo got a 7 including his deception bonus which is 5, so my guy here rolled a 2, Fitzroy got a 6 on insight and totally bought it, while the Firbolg got either a 13 or a 16 which made him go "hey what's up". That single roll is what caused half of this fic to be written in the first place because I just accidentally created this au where the firbolg figured out Argo was up to something and lying about it before the centaur mission before Argo was like "hey fitzroy i know some shit about you". This led to the Firbolg confronting Argo when Fitzroy wasn't around. On Argo's lime lie he got something pretty high, like a 17 or 18 I think, but then the Firbolg got a natural 20. And then when Argo told the Firbolg a sort of half-truth, I didn't roll for Argo because nothing he said was actually a lie, or if it something was it wasn't meant to be and that's my bad. But the Justin McElroy that lives in my head said "I'm rolling insight again because I don't know if I can trust anything this fucker says now." The Firbolg got a 12, which basically told him "Argo is not lying to you this time". Still very different from a "Argo is telling you the truth now", but the Firbolg that lives in my head I feel would go along with that, so here we are. Half of this fanfic came about because Argo made a shit roll and the Firbolg made a good roll. 
> 
> I can write towards the end of my shift at work, so I wrote a large portion of this while I was at work, actually! I'm mostly sharing that because I think it's cool I have opportunities to write at work, and sort of just to flex with that because I can. I'm not cool enough or muscular to truly flex though I'm just trying to impress you.
> 
> Anyway, if you stuck around, thank you for reading!


End file.
